Buck Fears

I just watched a video on the CrossFit mainsite (http://www.crossfit.com/) about "Facing your Fears."  It featured a grown man facing his fear of swimming in open water.  A grown man that became emotional in front of the camera talking about his fear.

I hate having fear.  Why can't I be that child that doesn't understand fear and is FEARLESS!? 

I hate having fears that keep me from reaching a goal...from facing something new or exciting...from making me a stronger and BETTER person.

Some of my daily fears:
1) Not meeting my CF expectations and waking up one day with NO DRIVE.
2) Injuring/harming/hurting my patients - Do I push?  Do I not push?  Do I call the Dr.?
3) Hurting people.
4) Getting hurt by other people.
5) FAILURE.

And yet...if I don't face these fears I WILL NOT GAIN.
1) I won't face the bar and go from clean and jerking 75 pounds to 110 pounds in 1 week.
2) I won't help my patient get back to their life.
3 and 4) I won't take risks with relationships.
5) I won't grow...change...excell...achieve..

Yep.  Fears suck.  But not facing fears sucks more.

I want to grow...I want to gain. 

Buck Fears.

The "Whatif" Poem

Whatif by Shel Silverstein

Last night, while I lay thinking here,
some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
and pranced and partied all night long
and sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow talle?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems well, and then
the nighttime Whatifs strike again!

Childhood poetry that continues to bring meaning to a 26-year-old adult.

"Just Do It"

I woke up this morning and slammed my alarm off...rowing 500 meters for a personal record (PR) does not excite me.   As I was lying there I was thinking that work really wasn't sounding like much fun either. 

10 minutes passed...of course I got up...went to Crossfit...did the stupid 500 m row for time.  Did I set a PR?  No.  Did I tie my PR?  Maybe...probably not.  The point is that I would NEVER choose to go row a 500 meter row for time...not exciting...not fun....probably because I STINK at it.

Did I go to work?  Of course I did.  Did I help a patient today?  Better believe it.  Got a hug out of the deal too.  Two in fact..from two different patients.

Was it an "A" day at Crossfit?  Not really because I didn't set a PR.  But it was an "A" day for what I learned after my row....that my technique was very inefficient, that I lacked power, that I was having an incredibly fast cadence.  Yeah...it stinks I didn't get a PR..but...it rocks that I have something to work on.

Was it an "A" day at work.  Yep.

Sometimes you have to "just do it" - - - row a 500 meter row for time...go to work...

Can't win em' all, but, you can keep learning..keep helping...keep growing.

About me

If you are reading this, chances are you know a few things about me...I work as a physical therapist in Rapid City, would easily be accepted in a Crossfit obsessed "recovery" group, and I LOVE spending time with my friends.
What you don't know about me are the zillion and ONE thoughts that are constantly being generated in my head at any one given moment...yes...I'm serious.
My blog is one of my 2012 goals...boosting my creativity.  (Mainly I want to beat my friend at Balderdash, so maybe writing a blog will help...or make me crazier).

I make it a point to read the blog "Crossfit Lisbeth Words Of the Day" everyday.  Today's was another great post:
Try more of this: Effort. Persistence. Mobility.  Kindness. Love. Barbells.
And less of this: Pettiness. Anger. “I know better than you.” Rudeness.
See how your life changes for the better. Instantly. Like you waved a flippin’ magic wand.
If you love someone, tell them now. If you need to thank them, thank them now. If you need to listen to them, listen now. If you need to forgive, forgive now.

Stop waiting on your tomorrows: they may never come. All we have is all we have right now.

Take today and look around you — really look around you. Are you fully engaged in your life? Or are you just coasting?
There’s a better life waiting for you, always. But it’s up to you to make it happen. Start now."

Be kind.  Be real.  Be someone better.